Failures And Fuckups

The worst thing about people is that they are unpredictable.

We think we really know the people close to us, but I'm starting to believe that we never really do. Maybe we are all completely incapable of being open and honest about who we are at our core.

We're all constantly moving between wavelengths in our own heads, trying and failing to live up to our own unrealistic expectations that we created when we were kids.

Some of us grew up thinking we'd be astronauts or doctors....some of us succeeded. Most of us stumbled, fell, and found our way to whatever completed us enough to mute the sound of our self pity and disappointment.

But what about those people who can't get rid of that feeling of uselessness? Those who can't move forward from the failures? Some of us learn how to paint, some of us have children and try to live vicariously through them, because maybe, just maybe they'll become the famous dancer or doctor we never could be because we have two left feet, or we failed math, or we dropped out before our sixteenth birthdays.

Sometimes you're born to fucking fail. It's so embedded into your ancestry that it's passed down from mothers to daughters, generation after generation.

What if no one stops it here? What if nature is really stronger than nurture? What if we're not the heroes our stomachs tell us we have to be?

Some people just can't shake their own pointlessness that they're created in their brains.....even if they have beautiful reasons to do...and to BE good.  

Those are the people I fear the most. The ones who leave you to clean all the glass shards and those who force you to stare as you drive past their freeway pileup. 

You never really know anyone.

And none of us have it figured out....none of us know what's right or what the fucking meaning of life is. But maybe we should try a little harder to not fuck up so bad.