Pandemics are Fucks
To my friends who deal with health anxiety (aka hypochondria)
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that outbreaks like this have always been a top biggest fear for me. I washed my hands compulsively in the 90s because I thought I would get AIDS if I didn’t. Health anxiety, for me, stems from intrusive thoughts that happen because I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. Yeah, it's fucking knick knack patty WHACK.
I once convinced myself I had a brain tumor and lost two weeks of my life to derealization.
I once convinced myself I had MS and it triggered so much anxiety that I ACTUALLY had numbness in my back.
This is some serious shit. There’s times when it’s so real that I can’t function.
Thankfully, I’m a lot better these days.
But then again, I have been forcing Brandon to feel my forehead a minimum of ten times a day now that Covid-19 is officially in Idaho.
I also have a cough that is currently pretty bad due to allergies and nervous chain smoking menthols, as per anxious protocol.
Brandon said something today after telling me I’m not fevery for the 107th time in the past week.
He told me: 'Your worst fear already happened. There’s a fucking pandemic and nothing you can do about it. There’s no reason to stress about the worst case scenario, because it’s here.'
I cracked open a cider and really thought about it. He’s right. Shit I worry about often is happening. It’s here and all I can do is try to stay away from people.
I’ve isolated myself before due to anxiety. It feels weird to isolate due to concerns of contracting and spreading a fucking virus. Today is day one of quarantine for me. Brandon got some supplies for the next few weeks this morning, and now he’s quarantining too.
It’s weird times y’all. Really uncertain and fucking scary, especially for us god damn nail biters.
I like routine and structure in my day. I like going to thrift stores and deciding what I’m going to eat for dinner in the morning, then going to the store.
I like wiping my ass with Charmin Ultra Soft.
Day to day life is going to be different for all of us now and it’s weird to think about, honestly.
I’ve wanted to move to BFE in an off the grid homesteading way for a long time, but I wasn’t planning on lack of social interaction this soon.
I’ve been going hard to growing garden veggies and other hobbies to prepare myself for the coming weeks.
Everyone who can should be self isolating. If not, you're an asshole. Schools should be shut down, non essential businesses should do the same. I read an article that Idaho is 1 of 4 states not preparing hard enough...and that just adds to my fucking concern. Read the article below if you're one of the cocksucks who doesn't think this is a big deal.
https://medium.com/@Jason_Scott_Warner/the-sober-math-everyone-must-understand-about-the-pandemic-2b0145881993
If we overwhelm the healthcare system, people having strokes or heart attacks will die. Kids with broken bones will be shit out of luck. People who need cancer treatment will be fucked.
The future looks pretty grim y’all. Unless we get our shit together, this will have a lasting effect on businesses as well as the US economy itself.
I’m trying not to think of it all too much because it’s not good for me. It’s not productive.
Also I’ve never wanted to have a beer with my friends at the bar more than I do now that I know I definitely shouldn’t.
So, check in on your anxious friends, not all of us are ok. I’m fine right now, but it’s day by day to be honest. I’m sure I’ll have a fucking shit fit when we find a confirmed case in my city...
Take care of yourselves friends, and when this is over, we’ll all do tequila shots together and shit.
Love, cheers, and positive vibes.
-Chels