An ode to dressing like a fucking clown.

I was always afraid of wearing clothing deemed ‘unflattering’ for my body. I was scared of being noticed. Of standing out.

My body was an object that had to be hidden.

Offensive if it wasn’t covered with that extra inch of denim or at least three fingers width of tank top.

It didn’t belong to me if it was on display, tits and ass up for grabs before I was a teen.

I cleaned my closet and put away my bedroom doom pile of clothes today.

As I hung and folded my things, I thought about how I never want anyone to look like me. Sure, I embody Miss Frizzle, a rodeo clown, and a coastal 90’s mom with pride, but the thought of running into someone in the same outfit as me gives me an ick I had to sit with to explain.

I read somewhere recently that enough clothing exists on earth to clothe the next six generations.

I’m not here to judge anyone, but racks and racks of the same $20 tee shirt in xs-xxl lacks soul.

I want to feel uniquely connected to the things I put on my body. I want you to have some sliver of understanding of who I am as a person when you look at my clothing. I want to stand out and be seen, after years of trying to hide. I want to spark a conversation with a vintage vest or pair of worn in combat boots.

I want to be visually fucking annoying.

I want old women to point and say ‘they remember when’. I want young people to feel inspired to express themselves in whatever way sparks joy.

I want to fucking laugh at myself in the mirror. I want strangers to laugh at me in public.

I long for poor kids who have no choice but second-hand to feel like they have a comrade in me.

I need to look like rainbow vomit. Like unicorn shit. Like pure whimsy and a little nod to happier times.

I want to be seen from space.

I pine for neons and I fiend for pastels. I crave patterns reminiscent of your mother and grandmother walking through the mall when you were small enough for a stroller.

I need wearable art and fabric that makes no sense. I want Gen X,Y,Z, whatever we’re in now, to think I’m cool…and maybe ancient yet ageless.

I want to be wild and free.

I want you to look at me and my eclectic collection of fabric.

Take it all in. Enjoy. It took me a long time to get here.